Archive for October, 2010

Letting Go…

I received this in February of 2009 on my Walk to Emmaus. I needed to dig it out and read it again and remind myself of these truths.  

  • To let go does not mean to stop caring. It means I can’t do it for myself.
  • To let go is not to cut myself off. It is the realization that I can’t control another.
  • To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
  • To let go is not to try to change or blame another. It’s to make the most of myself.
  • To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
  • To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
  • To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
  • To let go is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
  • To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
  • To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
  • To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
  • To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
  • To let go is to fear less and love more.

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On whom I rely

At this season in my life, God is teaching me about trust.  I have had tutorials on this topic in the past, so I thought that the subject would not need much review.  I was wrong.  Ever heard the saying “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans”?  I think He must be getting a good chuckle right about now.

For several months, I have been looking forward to something.  I have been waiting for something to begin.  I have been hoping with expectation that things would work out the way I had planned.  If only this situation would be resolved, if only that person would leave this group, if only this program were implemented at work, or that phase in my son’s development were over… then things would really be looking good for me.  How did I creep back into this pattern of thought?

I know this lesson.  I sat through this lecture several years ago, I took really good notes and even put some reminders up on my mirror where I would see them daily. Evidently, the notes didn’t sink in or the reminders became too common-place, because here I sit, sorting through the thoughts and decisions that have brought me to this place. 

All weekend long, I have had to encounter my issues with trust.  Do I place my trust in God?  On whom do I rely for my validation, identity, and security?  If I trust Him, then why do I continue to try to push my plans, my agenda, my desires?  Why don’t I trust His perfect timing?  Am I like Mary and Martha- complaining to Jesus that he was either too early for dinner or too late to heal the sick?  For far too long, I have struggled with these questions.  I have wrestled with God and walked away limping. 

And yet…

once again, in His infinite grace and mercy, He reminds me what it means to fully rely on Him.

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noun: the utterance of good wishes, the advantage conferred by blessing. Mercy or benefit.

I have uttered good wishes, on my son, my family, my friends, myself. I have received mercy.  I have been blessed this week.

  • positive feedback from students
  • my son asks for his Numbers 6 blessing if I forget at bedtime
  • hugs from children at church
  • the crisp, autumn breeze as I walk through campus
  • hearing beautiful classical guitar at lunch on Sunday.  Receiving a CD from the artist for free
  • having the opportunity to read a story to elementary kids in the library
  • the generous offerings of dear friends for my mission trip to Ethiopia
  • for my son’s teacher
  • Michael Charles is learning to read
  • best friends on the back porch with a bottle of ice-cold Bud, great conversation, a guitar, and my dogs

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